One evening, Mike went over to his friend's house to play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife Susan.
When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and saw that Terry's wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that he was flushed.
When Mike went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, to his surprise, Susan had followed him into the kitchen and said in a sultry voice, "Did you like what you saw?"
Mike replied with enthusiasm, "Yes, I did!"
Terry's wife then said, "Well, you can get more than a look, but it will cost you $500."
So Mike thought about his financial situation and said okay.
Susan then said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work."
Mike said with a smile, "I'll see you then."
The next afternoon Mike went over, they had sex, he gave her the $500, then he left.
Later that evening, Terry came home and asked his wife, "Has Mike been over here today?"
Thinking she had been caught, she said, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry said, "Good! Because that fool came by my office early this morning and asked to borrow $500. He said he'd pay me back before suppertime, which sounded a bit quirky, but I gave it to him anyway. He said he would probably leave the money with you."
When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and saw that Terry's wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that he was flushed.
When Mike went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, to his surprise, Susan had followed him into the kitchen and said in a sultry voice, "Did you like what you saw?"
Mike replied with enthusiasm, "Yes, I did!"
Terry's wife then said, "Well, you can get more than a look, but it will cost you $500."
So Mike thought about his financial situation and said okay.
Susan then said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work."
Mike said with a smile, "I'll see you then."
The next afternoon Mike went over, they had sex, he gave her the $500, then he left.
Later that evening, Terry came home and asked his wife, "Has Mike been over here today?"
Thinking she had been caught, she said, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry said, "Good! Because that fool came by my office early this morning and asked to borrow $500. He said he'd pay me back before suppertime, which sounded a bit quirky, but I gave it to him anyway. He said he would probably leave the money with you."
Whats the difference between a jew & Santa Claus?
Santa goes down the chimney!
Santa goes down the chimney!
I'm about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I've bought her a treadmill.
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: She bought me some Viagra;
And I've bought her a treadmill.
A man walks into a bar with a monkey, he sits down and orders a beer. The monkey runs around from chair and table - he goes crazy jumping all over then leaps up on to the pool table, picks up the cue ball and eats it. The bartender, furious over the monkey's behavior yells, "Hey! Your monkey just ate my cue ball! Now get out of here and take that animal with you." The man gets up apologizes and leaves.
On week later the man comes back to the bar with the monkey. He sits down and and orders a beer. The monkey starts up again, jumping all over, swings around and lands on the bar. In front of him is a bowl of grapes, he picks up a grape, sticks it up his ***, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender who had been watching the whole event, is livid, he yells, "Dood, that it disgusting! Why did your monkey just stick a grape up his azz , pull it back out, then eat it??
The man replied, "Ever since that cue ball, he makes sure everything fits."
On week later the man comes back to the bar with the monkey. He sits down and and orders a beer. The monkey starts up again, jumping all over, swings around and lands on the bar. In front of him is a bowl of grapes, he picks up a grape, sticks it up his ***, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender who had been watching the whole event, is livid, he yells, "Dood, that it disgusting! Why did your monkey just stick a grape up his azz , pull it back out, then eat it??
The man replied, "Ever since that cue ball, he makes sure everything fits."
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Two gay guys are having sex and the phone rings. One guy goes to answer the phone and tells his partner, "Hey. Don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the phone call, there is cum all over the wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Chris, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" The man turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Just puked a little.....but good joke!
Two sperms are having a race. One sperm says, "F uck me all this swimming is knackering me, how long till we reach the womb?" The second sperm says, "F ucking long way to go yet mate - we've only just gone past her tonsils!"
Relative Humidity: The sweat from your balls running down the crack of your sister-in-laws' azz.
A woman is about to commit suicide off a bridge, when a homeless man comes up to her. "If are here to persuade me to not jump, you are just wasting your time" she says. "Nah, I was wondering if you would give me a quick f uck before you jump since it won't matter anyway" he replies. "No, I won't! That's disgusting'. she says. The homeless man starts to walk away. "Where are you going?" she says, to which he replies: "If you don't want to f uck me while you are alive, I best get to the bottom of the bridge before your body gets cold".
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